Muppet Magic

Makes me laugh. Makes me wanna cry. It's dope stuff like this that makes a person realize how much time they waste every day not having fun.

Emailed to me by the Shelleybean.

Witch High Priest

I am not much of a fan of the "pop-in", with regard to walking into video, book or music stores without an idea of what I'm looking for beforehand. Anyone who knows me knows that my mind runs a mile-a-minute, and is rarely focused. As a result, if I go into said type of store without a game plan I (as a result of being immediately assaulted by the unending possibilities and choices) go into shut-down mode, and end up leaving more irritated than when I walked in.

But, on Saturday I couldn't find the video store I was looking for, and instead came across a used bookstore that I decided to enter. And it worked out. Found this gem for three bucks. Really interesting, really funny, and totally worth it.

Other suggested readings- check out the Goat of Mendes in the upper right-hand corner.

Ummmmm...YES.

"Dude, we gotta make sure, she could be lying. We'll tie her the f*** up and throw her in the river. If she floats, she's a witch, and we'll pluck her out and hang her. If she sinks, she's not a witch, and maybe we'll get her out before she drowns. Maybe. Just 'cause she ain't a witch don't mean she wasn't a bitch!"

"We like to cook in cauldrons 'cause it's easier to carry around one pot instead of ten. Why don't they f***ing get this! F***ing Dark Ages, you know?"

A Pact With the Devil. That shit's just too legit. Bummer it's in French, would have been a good read.

Masked witch of a Gypsy Caravan.

Towards the end the book got kind of heavy into fertility gods and goddesses. "I mean, look at it, man. Like a moose! Yeah, you can touch it if you want. But only for a second."

"How come you're always trying to get me to touch your dick?! It makes me so mad I just wanna get naked and wrestle! Yeah, I'll loose the club- one of 'em, anyway!"

7th Period

Ready-made pizza and root beer. Get off me, Steve!

Dudes, dudettes: see you in the city! Young Katherine- I heard you might be going as well? For your sake, I hope it isn't true. You'll end up having WAY TOO MUCH FUN and rue the day you chose that God-forsaken school in College Station!

Lacquer Thinner

...pound your beers, tonight we shred.

Gimme Back My Bullets

Caught WEEDEATER tonight...indescribable. ASG opened up, and played a solid set. Then Weedeater just f***ing crushed it. They played them all...Wizard Fight, Monkey Junction, God Luck and Good Speed, and a ton of material off their new album. Then, towards the end, they did their Lynyrd Skynyrd cover of Gimme Back my Bullets. I could practically see Dad and Kyle on my left and right. Gonna make that happen one day, believe it.

Miss my family, miss my friends. Miss the Deep South. Coming for a visit real soon. And we're gonna party.

"Sweet talkin' people done ran me out of town.
And I drank enough whiskey to float a battleship around.
But I'm leaving this game one step ahead of you. 
And you will not hear me crying 'cause I do not sing the blues."

Starting the Day off Right

Got dumped on last night. Walking to the ride this morning.

Frozen feet. Oh well. Vans or death.

The ride. Nice.

Dig in.

"X" marks the spot. Windshield's under here somewhere.

Off. Off with you. To the riff-filled land.

Death Wish

Hey. Fill your hand. 

What?

Draw. I said draw!

Release

Read The Giver this evening. Can't believe I hadn't read it until now. Really good. Don't know what to do with the end, though. Did Jonas and Gabriel really make it? Or was it a mirage, a comforting thought before they lost consciousness and died in the snow? They died. Still, better to have tried and failed than to continue living the way they had been.

30. Dollar. Bag.

The needle going in. the liver breaking down. Taking the safety off. F*** it. The futility of even trying, expressed in the form of slow, southern sludge. The best show I have ever been to, hands f***ing down. Never has the music matched my mental state in such a way. Totally amazing. 

  
The ship's going down. Are you gonna do what you can to feel good before you start choking on water?

 

1.5 Minutes

 Freshman year  Kyle, Landon, Richie and I used to jump in Dub's car and go to H-E-B for groceries.  We always got popcorn- dorm living means dorm eating. And we always argued about when it would be done popping. I would stand in front of the microwave while Kyle and Landon, from their respective dorm beds, would yell at me to stop or not stop the popping. "Dude, don't stop it! It's not done!" "Yes it is, it's gonna burn, man!"

I had to monitor it because they couldn't be bothered to get up out of their beds. Had they moved, they might have missed a second or two of Walker: Texas Ranger.  

Chulahoma

This is gonna be a short recollection of the day I was transformed. And I'll start at the beginning but not when I was born. I was 18 years old. 

There was a black and white photo on the front cover. It was of an old man seated by a jukebox. He was playing an electric guitar while some women, frozen in time, swayed to the music he seemed to be making. I was away at college, in that little Ohio town. There, alone in my room, I was transformed. It was by this man and the music on that CD. I've heard people say this before, that they were forever changed by so and so, by this or that, but I have to tell you truthfully, fuck all that. Nature, humanity, my feet on the floor, the fake wood laminated desktop, the moon and stars, the heat from my body, my reflection in the mirror, my whole existence was flipped on its head and back around twice. I was in a trance for days and didn't even know it. Very suddenly, I was skipping class to play guitar. Shortly thereafter, I'd be dropping out of college altogether. Setting out to find my own way. The bar had been set impossibly high and there was nothing more those professors could help me with. I'd found a new teacher. 

Well, I'm a musician now. It says so on my passport. Though, it's gotta be more than just that. I feel like a man blessed with some sort of mind and heart connection to the vibrations I find in the music I love. Junior allowed my to feel that way, to open the once hidden doorway. My family had steered me in the right direction and pushed me when I needed it but the walls came tumbling down and the earth shook when I locked into Junior's groove. I'll be forever grateful, forever in awe, and forever indebted to Junior Kimbrough. Someday, I 'm  gonna meet him in the city and I'll shake his hand and maybe he'll play a few songs for me. 

-Dan Auerbach

When this CD came out, nobody knew about the Black Keys. Last week, they won a few Grammys. Last night they played Conan. And they still make real f***ing music and bullshit the interviewers and publications just like any person with any real sense of perspective should. Truthfully those dudes are my heroes. At least as close a thing to heroes that a 23 year-old can have, anyway.

Ride the Tiger!

Got dusted a bit a few days ago, but today it hit 55 in Bally May. Blew my mind. So I rode- only a little, but I have to take what I can get these days.

And this was the result. The skin on my hands is so f***ed from work and the disgusting weather that it cracked like...dry skin. Good stuff.

Oh yes. Darkthrone. Long time coming. But it is mine. I will enjoy it.

Saw it and I had to! Holy Diver. Trent, you best be riding the Tiger. 'Cause, you know, "you can see its stripes so you know it's free!" Damn, we all gotta get together and rock this stuff again.

Oh Lord, don't set my fields on fire. Oh God! Don't kindle your wrath against me!

Big Time

Got my 90-day raise the boss promised to me upon my hiring. A month late, but he says he's gonna get me what he owes me in back-pay. I'm f***ing sure. I don't care that people d*** me, so long as they know I know they're doing it. Well, an extra buck-fifty an hour now. I already have the jetski picked out.

Got myself a geetar. I was perilously close to losing my f***ing mind over this east coast winter thing, so I bought one on a whim. Best decision of 2011, thus far. Can't stay away from it when I'm home for more than an hour. Love it. Also, I think I have Owen Wilson nose.

The practice space (basement laundry room three blocks north). I can turn my FREAKING GIGANTIC amp up as loud as I want in here and nobody will ever hear me.

This is she.

Threw a pre-seasoned pork loin in the oven for thirty and it came out like this. So beautiful, so delicious.

Poor pic, but you can still make out the crusting on the sides of the pork. So freaking good.

MTV Cribs

"...I don't know, man. I mean, my house really ain't all that baller."

Bottle of Crys is in the back...it is. You just can't see it. 'Cause yall know I'm just rolling in the dough over here. It's embarrassing, how much they pay me. Really. 

Truck Driver: Why is it you work in a machine shop, but every time I come in here you're in deck shoes? You never wear boots?

Me: Yeah, I know. Its backwards. Just never could get comfortable in boots.

Truck Driver: And you're from Texas! I ain't even a southern boy and I wear cowboy boots.

Me: Yeah, I know. The cowboy boots just never stuck. I don't know, maybe it's like country music for me: I grew up on country music, like it, but I don't listen to much of it any more- after a while you get a bit tired of it, you know? You wanna try something new.

Truck Driver: Oh, I hear you. That's why I've been divorced three times.

Crept into the woods near work after I got off. Wanted to take some cool photos of the snow receding. Very dissapointed with the effort. Putting them up anyway. I do like all of the rings you can see in the fallen tree portion.

How a grown-ass man starts his day.

Good Guys

Hit a wall today at work. A lot of things on my mind, bummed out before I got there, and then had to spend the day grinding the slag out of used rims. Baseball catcher-position all day, head buried in a constant shower of sparks and serious noise.

The dudes could tell I was f***ing over it. They came up with a solution: everybody out at 3:30, found the closest bar, talked about some shit and had some beers. They told me what I needed to hear. Feel a lot better.

Still miss my friends and family. Still miss Austin. Still can't stand the idea of changing how I operate, of forcing myself outside of my comfort zone. But I do feel better.